I know it’s good to encourage each other, especially our children, but sometimes I get tired of hearing all the well-meaning advice from ‘champions’ and experts of all sorts who assure the kids that they can all be champs too, if they only work hard enough. ‘Just keep at it, with all your heart, and your dreams will come true.” B.S.! The truth is more like what we heard in the old song, “Work your fingers to the bone. What do you get? Boney fingers.” Or maybe something in-between.
And just what are the ‘dreams’ that will come true, if we work hard enough? Invariably they are goals to become the best at something, probably to become rich or famous.
We’re setting up our kids in two ways. If they believe the lie, when they don’t become the ‘champ’ of their dreams, they will think they are guilty of not trying hard enough. It will be their fault, labeling them as deficient or lazy.Secondly, and perhaps even more important, they will have wasted their time and self esteem on a goal that is very questionable in the first place.For how many times does wealth and/or fame make someone truly happy?
By now, we must have figured out that true greatness isn’t about perfection or being ‘the best’, but has to do with our ability to be open, learning and sharing. We should be encouraging others to grow in ways that open them up, not make them smaller and more self-centered. Placing ourselves above everything else is an automatic response for children and all humans. It takes no encouragement. In the end, to work with and enable others is what is best for ourselves. To think of ourselves apart and in competition is a great mistake on all levels. Yet, that is what we often do. To be ‘the best’,alone in our perceived ‘greatness’ is the tragic goal that is now the bane of the Earth. Why perpetuate such a terminal error?
Kids usually figure these things out, but why send them mixed messages. Why tell ourselves these lies and spend so much time and effort merely working our fingers to the bone? If we aren’t working with others, all we certainly will get, and deserve, will be boney fingers.
Anthony, still trying to figure it all out.
