Last night’s dream
I was out for a lovely afternoon walk and decided to go see my good friends who owned a shop at the edge of town. When I got there, I found that I was not ‘there’, but somewhere else. Where had their store gone? I turned around to go back. I didn’t know where ‘back’ was. Which way was home?
I opened the door to the nearest store and walked in, and just stood there. Someone asked if they could help me, and I just started to cry. I realized that the next thing they would do is ask me my name. And I couldn’t remember.
We frequently hear about this happening to elders. I doubt if I’ll be similarly afflicted, but who knows? What I do know is that I don’t want to live with the terror, confusion and sadness of that dream. Many elders who lose their memories retain their sense of happiness, accepting somehow their profound change of selves. I doubt if I would. I’d rather just ‘go to sleep’.
These are difficult questions, ones that shouldn’t be made by any others than those affected. I’m so glad that here in Canada we’re trying to deal with these realities. In far too many situations, being biologically alive is the only thing that matters, more important than hope, happiness and love. Death is seen as a failure, medically and socially. Our science has leap-frogged our morals and humanity. I don’t want my family and loved ones feeling guilty because they don’t want to visit a suffering and fearful being who wants to die, who doesn’t even know where they are or who anyone else is. That is not civilized or humane. We wouldn’t let our pets live like that. And costing society many thousands per month.
I’ve put off talking to Judy about this. Until now. I hope we all will address the possibilities. There’s no reason we shouldn’t be as honest and open about the ending of life as we are about the beginnings. It’s part of the same reality. Let’s do what-ever we think is best, for love. Our answers won’t be the same. But our questions will be similar. Anthony. Here’s to life!
